Wednesday, January 6, 2010

ah ha

Had a bit of an "Ah Ha" moment tonight. I have literally been doing nothing but eating, sleeping and going to the gym, so to have one of these moments amongst that is pretty impressive I think. I realized life is not how you see it in movies and on television. And yes I've known for a while that I will have to trade in the fairy tale ending for tears and heart break, and won't be able to sit in a coffee shop with my friends, but be working long hours. Those are the obvious ones that I would love to believe until reality bites me in the ass. The little things in all these movies, that I always assumed came naturally in life. Well through my sweat, tears and sea (see what I did there?) I have now learned to know better. I cannot always think I am right, I cannot be stubborn, I cannot make excuses, and I cannot expect things to happen to me.

In a perfect movie, the girl blows off the boy and he comes back. Or you think you're doing everything right all along, being the best possible version of yourself you can be and that's not good enough. You loose people along the way, thinking it's them, but if it were them you wouldn't have lost them in the first place, right? Well I am officially done waiting around. I have to take control, I have to say that I was wrong (although sometimes I still don't think I am, but who will ever know) I have to grow the balls and man up. If I want something to happen I am the only person who controls that, so here I go.

I am slowly getting better and doing what I need to do. I am coming to the realization of the people I cannot live with out, the people who make me a better person, the people who have held me back and of course the people I want but don't need. I know I'm rambling but it's just how I think! Love these little ah ha's I think they make me a better person, I hope.
Hope someone is out there listening.


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